I understand what you feel. I go through the same process. The one thing you need to realize is that if you have someone with you then they understand. They're trying to help you get better. If the meds are not working perhaps you need to try another. I've been on nearly every medication there is and I hope you can find the right combination. It takes a long time and I'm sorry but it is what it is. I wish I could be there for you right now. Tell you it will be okay and that we can get through this. The first great step is you joined here. Being here will help you because it should show you you're not alone. You have tons of other people on here going through the same thing and if you ever need to talk, we're here. Please let me know.