Why do I not feel human? Not really sure. I guess after awhile of being isolated and alone it starts to feel like you don't exist. People always looking at you like you're some type of monster. One event after another that your insides are just in a constant struggle until one day it just shuts itself down. One event too far that causes one to question their reality. Who they are. At least that is what I think is the reason.

I'm not really sure one can seek comfort from these places. Maybe a place to pass the time and learn things. Nothing really comforting though. At least for me I just get jealous of others. I'm not really sure how to explain my head space. I just like to say people can't relate because it protects me from being let down when I eventually find out we have different situations. I have specific thoughts that occur when I realize this. Mainly hatred. Feeling far behind everyone else because I have nothing of my own. I just silently rot inside when I realize that they have something or can do something I can't. "Why can't you do it." I am not sure. Fear. Either way I just feel enraged. I told the people supposed to help me get treatment this and now I feel like they have certain thoughts about me. Maybe it is just the paranoia again like you mentioned you have that causes me to question things about others intentions or thoughts.