Very soft, gentle hugs to you.
I wish that I could help make this easier for you. But, I know that it's a process that simply takes time. The grieving process is challenging. Reaching out for support and understanding from others is a positive reaction to such a tragedy.
Please ~ continue to share how you're feeling... here or somewhere else. Try to remember that someone is always listening and wanting to help. Very best wishes to you and your family.