Today i kinda had a muscle spasm. Not the first time it happened, i mean, its been happening for as long as i can remember, but it was the first time i tried to figure out what it was or if there was a name for it. You see, i was sitting down when something on tv caused me to have a flashback or something. I was stuck in it for a moment and everything felt really real until i jerked out of it. My feet kicked and my arms went up to block myself and everything and then i was out of the memory. Kinda felt like i'd jerked myself out of it. I googled this and found something called "unwinding" that has to do with muscle memory. All the sources said that it normally had something todo with ptsd.
Seeing that connection made me remember the time that i told my friend about how i couldn't really remember anything that happened before 5th grade except for a few bits and pieces. Like a few of my teachers faces, and some embarrassing things that stuck with me. My friend had told me that i might be blocking something out, but i didn't take her too seriously at the time. Today, i asked a few of my friends how much of their childhood they could recall and i found out that all of them could remember from around 5 years old and up. At this point i started seriously trying to remember my childhood. I came up with about ten things that i could remember..all little moments, but i noticed that i was starting to feel really feverish and that my hands were getting sweaty and that my chest was starting to tighten up. Those are usually the signs that i get right before an anxiety attack, so i stopped trying to recall things.
Now i'm kinda just...very curious about what's going on. Does anyone think i might actually be repressing something? Or is it just that my memory is rather terrible?