Yes, the lying and secretiveness is quite worrisome, but I won't get into that issue.

My concern is about the abuse in his past. Abuse of a sexual nature can cause profound changes in us. It is VERY hard to talk about all of this, not just for the obvious reasons, but because its not very PC....well, at least in my case. Nobody wants to hear that sexual abuse could cause someone to be gay/lesbian. My sexual abuse caused SO much sexual confusion, and I had nobody to talk to about it. When I did try to open up I just heard a bunch of crap about how it was ok to be gay and how I needed to accept myself as I was. (I say crap not because I am homophobic, rather because nobody understood what I had been through or how it affected me, and that I was indeed straight but EXTREMELY confused.) The whole mantra these days is "born this way" and if you dare speak out about abuse causing sexual confusion or even completely changing ones orientation, you're pretty much an affront to the entire "not completely straight" community who says its all a matter of being born this way. (I did my research, and I have found studies which show gay men are 7 times more likely to have been abused than straight men as children. Yes, I knew I wasn't alone in all of this!) I doubt such studies would be replicated again as you'd have people protesting in the streets about how homosexuality isn't a byproduct of abuse, but I digress. My point is that this stuff is VERY hard to talk about, and quite likely that he doesn't know anyone in his situation. It took me YEARS to find the validation that I was looking for (on another forum) when others were actually able to say hey, the same thing happened to me!