I need to say the whole thing about have you called your pdoc and gotten help. If not you need to do this.

I can relate. I also did a lot of purging in college. And though I don't think I have done it again (some moments get blurry shrug) the temptation at bad times is extremely powerful. I have never cut or anything like that although the thoughts have flitted through my mind.

In my last really bad crash I actually started smoking for the first time in my life. For me it was not about self medicating it was about wanting to hurt myself and that seemed like the best most invisible way. So I felt ridiculous for starting up a new horrible habit.

Bipolar is ridiculous. It makes perfect sense to me that you have reverted to old dam going behaviors. The fact that you haven't done it in so long and your brain has taken you back to that place is very alarming and you need to run not walk to get help. It sounds like you have a real episode coming on if not on already. You can do it. Don't just rely on willpower to not do it again. Get some help. I wish your husband was being more supportive but you still need to find other support. Call your doc. Go to a support group. Come here.