Oh yes, I know what you mean. Last night i binged on ice cream and that sort of thing, then tried to drink a soda and the whole time i was hating every singe drop, every single spoonfull. My stomach was so full that i couldn't even hardly move, and then i hated myself for letting it happen. But later today i felt my stomach grumble, and i was happy. I felt normal again, like my world had been righted. Then i ate a little bit (soup..like 200 calories) and some green tea with a friend and we talked and stuff. He was on the phone once and said "Yeah i'm walking with fatass here" he was kidding but that sticks with me even now.

It's terrible...but it's like we're in exactly the same place right now. I too am sick of hiding it. My attitude is becoming apathetic, like "just leave me alone it's my body okay!" type of thing. On the other hand i want people to care so badly, I guess i just want comfort and my control over not eating gives me that comfort.

What is a "normal" pulse rate? I randomly sat down at one of those things at walmart that checks your pulse and heartrate etc. and my pulse was 110. My friend's was 78 so i'm guessing mine is way high? Could that be from not eating? ohhh my