Grateful for your reply.
I feel so stupid reading what I posted and still having hope. We seem to be better. He rants like a child. Temper tantrums and blaming. He is/was an only child growing up in a small town...with mommy and daddy standing by
When I met him, his quiet upbringing was a relief to me, as I had just left the girls father of 13 years. I tolerated quite a bit in that marriage mostly bc that's just what I was taught... til death do us part. I am loyal and too understanding. I see through the tantrums and therefore "take it".
I am not saying it is the correct thing to do. At this point dissolving a marriage is also not an easy choice. I hope that my girls can see a couple take the time and effort to work thru issues without throwing it all away.
I realize the down side to this if I am wrong, which would be wasted time, etc.
I also know the pain of walking away from a relationship and that its not instant relief or healing. I guess a part of me was so beat down with the total of 18 years with the girl's father, that he became my best friend, husband, lover, babies daddy and eventually my controller.
I am not clear on what to do in my current situation. I do know that if he is physically abusive again I will have to walk away. The first time he intimidate me, he was in control of the vehicle and I was the scared passenger. After that rage he left me in the parking lot but then returned a few minutes later to get me. All just to "shut me up/intimidate" I had no idea he had this sort of side to him. After that day, I went into a pts like state. I cut off all of my hair and made myself as unattractive as I could in a sub-cons. way to test his love for me. I remained scared of him and verbal assaults continued if I questioned him in any way or on anything. It became a "listen to me" type environment.
After 2 more physical rages, another one in the car with threats to leave us over a smart mouthed child.... the last one was over my finally asking him wtf was wrong with him. I touted him with accusations of having an affair or something to cause him to be so angry on the inside.
He raged at my accusation and forcefully restrained me to shut me up.
I told his family of this physical encounter in an effort to "call him out"
It was somewhat effective in that he was humiliated, however, bc he minimized his rage, the family took his side as the way of coping with the information I presented to them about their son.
The table turned on me... His family has banned me and he allows them to think whatever they need to as long as he is not to blame. His mother went on to tell me to get my hormones checked and stop accusing her son of an affair.
I told her that her son had an anger problem and that I did not feel safe. Their response was...don't provoke him. So, eggshells I walk.
He hates this bc, I have told the girls to "stay out of his way" so not he feels like an outcast and claims we are bullying him. His mother thinks we are so disrespectful to him that he has no choice but to explode....
I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. It is still confusing though bc as much as he will not admit his emotional immaturity, his now actions are that of "trying" and being man like. This is the way I saw him when I met him and when I chose to marry him, so it is very difficult to see him as the child he sometimes acts like. I know he has seen his share of my "ugliness/insecurities"
I am very much still open to any and all feedback, as I do realize that I am stubborn and "the cup is half full" personality type. Too optimistic?