Wow. I came across my original post today and couldn't believe what I was reading. In 3+ years my life is STILL exactly the same. Nothing has changed!

I still despise my job, even going so far as to tell my 2 big bosses during my annual review: "I'm burned out and can't take it anymore. When that phone rings I want to shoot myself". Their response? "You are doing such a great job! Here's a raise!". I guess it's gonna take a heart attack in the office to get them to notice or help me out. They just throw money at me and think it will make things better. You could pay me a million dollars an hour and I would still hate my job.

To make matters WAY worse, my mother died in March. Needless to say my dad and I have not been handling this very well. We both put up good fronts but inside we are both dying. The only thing that could possibly be considered "good" out of this situation is that the stress is gone. She was so sick because the chemo and radiation had destroyed her brain, and she mentally wasn't the same person anymore. She went from a fun-loving, laid-back, always laughing cheerful person to the most miserable, mean, bitter witch. It was a horrible transformation and after 3 years of it, it was almost a relief that she was gone. It feels so awful saying that it was a relief. But that's how bad she was.

The only positive difference that has come in the past few years is that I reconnected with my cousin who I hadn't spoken to in years. Her and her husband had finally straightened out their lives and were doing great. (They were heavily into cocaine/crack 10 years ago which is why I stopped talking to them.) We ran into each other in a store and got back together like it was old times. We see each other at least once a week and talk almost daily.

I have made a few more new friends that have become very close like family. I am thankful for them because they really helped me out while my mom was sick.

Now I am facing surgery next month to have my right ovary removed. I've have huge cysts that keep growing and causing me major discomfort. The doctor says it's routine and not to worry, but that's easier said than done.

Once again, thank you all for listening to me vent.