Know this: Abuse is a choice. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life.

His family...blaming the victim. You don't cause him to abuse; he chooses it. THe only thing your girls are seeing is you walking on egg-shells and abuse. Asking your children to "stay out of his way.......this shouldn't be happening; they are children and are confused and scared.

You are playing a dangerous game....causing him to be angry....the next time he is physically abusive might be the last time.

Your stubbornness could end with you in a hospital, or your children or dead. I am being blunt, as moderator of an abused survivors' group. Your first responsibility is to those children.... YOU aren't bullying HIM, HE is bullying YOU!

Sadly one should NEVER GO Into counseling with the abuser; one of two things can happen (it happened to me, before I knew about this); the abused may say nothing; and therapist doesn't see the dynamics of abuse, or abused does say something and he rages at her later on.

P.S. Abusers are quite frequently narcissists and narcissists (literally stop maturing at about age 13); that is why he behaves like a spoiled brat/abuser.
You cannot fix him; he has to realize he is abusive and get into some intensive therapy (abusers rarely d o, and if the do, don't stay long because they don't believe they have a problem.....someone else does).

You can "take the tantrums? How about your children?

Please get into some counseling for yourself AND those children; call the domestic violence hotline.

One key here is to STOP trying to get him to admit his abuse, or anything else; he is in denial. Please get help.