Please please get help now. My ED loves to rear it's head when manic. I've spat water in my husband 's face after not eating for 2 days because I didn't feel like swallowing. I only self harm when delusionsal. You already said you cheated and that can be a sign of mania.

My husband and I were laying in bed and he saw the scars from last time I had a bad episode. He was tracing them and asking me a bunch of questions about how I was thinking at the time. People who don't have experience with it don't understand. It's like watching a person holding there breath until they pass out and doing it again once they woke up.