Two things I knew for sure after my Mom killed herself: 1) I DID love her, despite everything, (and there was lots), and 2) I am my mother's daugher, (and that this isn't always the horrifying realization that I once imagined it would be). Hope you can work things thru so that it's not toxic for you and you can still have a relationship with your Mom. One way or another, at some time or another, we usually are forced to deal with it, so why not now. I say this with compassion and wish you the best of luck with this. Warmest regards. :-)