I've lost many, many jobs. I really don't know who I could use as a reference if I applied somewhere.

I'm currently self-employed and it's going pretty well. Although there are times when the stress makes me feel like I'm going to implode. But it's still better than working for someone else, and having to answer to someone. Lack of control is not good for me. Maybe it's a PTSD thing.

As for friends, I don't have those. I push them away when I'm depressed.