Is it possible that your wife had some sexual abuse or a rape in her past that she hasn't dealt with. Sometimes those kinds of things show up as problems with the inability to show a loving connextion in marriage.

I had an issue with my husband even before we got married...Respect issue with his attitude & behavior. 33 years I realized after I left that I never loved him& the issues I had before the marriage were the one's I left because & a few more that grew out of them.

I left 7 years ago & still trying to get the divorce finalized now after IRS issue finaly over....only a few months ago I finally researched what one of my T's had suggested might be wrong with him....& it explained the problems 100% ..I always felt he could do nice things but felt no emotional closeness...his behaviors could come across as passive aggressive....it was the lack of emotional connection & ability to show caring that was the key to believing their suggestion was correct....A dx that wasn't even known about until 1994 & not easy to dx in adults....but it explained why the right love words were there just not the emotional connection that would be.

Not easy to know their past & their causes for current actions & maybe she needs therapy to do some processing of her REAL emotions not just what she says. Actions speak louder than words & her actions say there is a problem that hasn't been handled.