I completely understand the pain, guilt and shame you are feeling. Last year during my Mania spree I found myself cheating on my husband. Just a completely different person. I put myself through so much physically and emotionally trying to figure out why I would do that (this is before I was diagnosed) and even still I question why I would've done that. But self harming, which I do, is not the answer and won't make the situation go away. Please don't hurt yourself, there are other ways to deal with those horrible feelings. I am here if you want to talk