I SO know what bothers you, Angel!
Been working hard on trying to disconnect the expectation mode. Like, if i'm going to plan or prepare or give anything to anyone, I'll give it and not expect anything in return, as it's been hurting me and I'm just amazed with the way your description fits me.
So my suggestion for the moment is to try and switch off the "in return" expectation. But, please, don't shut yourself in.
You're gonna be alright, we're all gonna find new people - euphoria attack, yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

love
peace