When my pdoc put me on meds, I let him know I was concerned about side effects. I told him I had read that some of the meds can kill you.

He told point blank the odds of me putting a belt around my neck, or being killed by someone in a rage altercation far outweighed the risks from meds.

Sometimes I fool myself into believing I'm stable enough to be med free. But then when I verbally attack a total stranger, and I'm physically being restrained, I know I probably need more meds, not less.