Sometimes I have to take it minute by minute. WHY I don't, I don't have an answer for, but when it's really bad, I tell myself that yes, I CAN kill myself, anytime I want. I accept it as a given. So then my next question to myself is, can I NOT kill myself, for the next minute? Next 5 minutes? It refocuses me on surviving, instead of ending it all. But, like I said, I still haven't found an answer to why not do it....I just haven't.