it's my fault.

I tried to explain what has been happening but it's just too much to squeeze into one meeting and we talked about the many different issues superficially.
for example I said people never like me if I like them and she said maybe it is not the kind of people I should be with. so I can never be with those I particularly like? that upset me a lot!
so what's the ****ing point in life then?

we talked about alcohol too because I was concerned about drinking too much. so I should stop or watch it at least very carefully. sure this is reasonable and I think the same. but now I officially have to care about one more thing. there are so many things I have to control all the time I feel there is nothing pleasant left and it also keeps me busy a lot. I think this is going to cut me off social interaction. I am afraid. tomorrow I am invited to a party. maybe I shouldn't go then.

it all looks pretty dull.