Hellion, it's not always about us or about what we're doing wrong. Sometimes it's a family dynamic where people in the household are extra-touchy and when they get tired or hungry or annoyed (about anything) it's almost impossible to say anything they won't take wrong.

We all make mistakes in the things we say ... we don't word it exactly right, we have a tone of voice that's not just right or our facial expression or body language shows we may be feeling tense or grouchy or irritated inside.

When I was growing up, I couldn't say anything right. I might say, "Please pass the bread" at the dinner table and my mother would snap, "Don't use that tone of voice with me, young lady, or you'll regret it."

Or I'd say, "How's it going?" to my sister and she'd shout, "As if you really care!"

I could not figure out what I was saying wrong. I even practiced saying things in front of a mirror, using as neutral a tone as possible. But it remained terrible, as if I was walking on eggshells all the time. And then there was the truth that when I felt tired or irritable or picked on myself, I would snap back or have bad tone or be sarcastic. When you feel like you can't do or say anything right, you do tend to get defensive.

I was not an innocent party. But the problem was all the tension in the home and the screwed-up family dynamic and everyone being ready to take offense at the slightest thing when they were feeling low or stressed. There was just too much stress.

I worked on myself, knowing I'd never get it perfect, and I decided to start giving my family members more slack when they acted irritable with me over small things. Instead of taking offense and reacting, I'd just tell myself to give them slack and let it go. I saved my energy for bigger things, the things that really mattered to me.

It's unlikely to be 100% you, Hellion. Sometimes families have a stressed dynamic. You can try your best, knowing you'll never be perfect, and give them some slack over small things. Take a look to see if you're feeling extra sensitive in the evening. That happens to a lot of people. Maybe the other members of your family, too.

Once I left home, I got along with people just fine. But my family interactions remained all tense and conflicted. I finally figured out it was the family dynamic that was to blame, not just me. I was part of it, but not the cause. That was reassuring.