I'm feeling so discouraged today. This seems to be a pattern for me. I'll go along coping reasonably well for a few weeks. Then, all of a sudden, I just feel exhausted and discouraged with my mental health and the struggle to maintain it. The past few months, I've been trying harder than ever to take responsibillity for myself, work on coping skills, and deal with things myself rather than relying on my t so much. Last December, we had a big fallout over her not being there at a time when I really needed her. . .and the resulting feelings of being too needy and demanding and feeling like a horrible patient. Well, we worked things out eventually. I've really lessened the amount that I email my t. I used to do it a couple of times every week. Now I do it maybe 1 time per month, which is huge for me. But I'm just getting so worn out by dealing with so much by myself. In our sessions, we have really slowed down the work because we realized that with my sensitive nervous system, I get overwhelmed easily, which leads to exhaustion or being shut down. Slowing down in session has helped. But the problem is that at night, it is getting harder and harder for me to sleep. I wake up, and then a list of all the things in my life that have hurt me play through my head. I try to put it out of my mind and go back to sleep. I use all the coping skills my t has taught me. But sometimes, I just can't make the thoughts go away. for those of you who dissociate, or understand dissociation, the parts of me that have been affected by my past trauma and abuse continually push at my conscious mind to listen to them, feel their pain, and deal with them. But I am not equipped with enough coping skills yet. My t and I have tried to work with parts and my traumas, and I just end up breaking down too much or shutting down. Going slow is the only things that works. But I can't make those dissociated parts slow down. They harp at me and keep me awake. I'm sorry. I'm probably not even making much sense. All I know is I've been trying so hard to take responsibillity for myself, my emotions, my mental health, apply coping skills, etc., and not burden my t. But right now, I'm just plain tired and discouraged. Sometimes the work of healing just feels too hard. My t has offered to let me contact her more often, but after what happened back in December, and finding out that it felt excessive to my t, I just can't go back to that again. I would never feel good about myself. I hate being needy more than anything. But sometiimes I get like this and want to just give up trying anymore to get better. It's too hard.