Hi Spidygal,

I understand what you are going through, I was sexually abused as a child so when I got married it was difficult because doing those things would just bring up bad memories and cause me to go into a panic. it took a long time for me to not associate the act of sex with the violence that I experienced in the past. but it sounds to me like your husband is being very insensitive and just selfish. it sounds like you are willing to have sex just not do certain things that trigger you. He should be more understanding. maybe going to a counselor with him so that a therapist can explain it to him, might open his eyes since he is not listening to you. I don't think you are the problem. don't let him convince you that owe him. He owes it to you to be supportive.