You guys need to be in marriage counseling or some kind of joint T. (T = therapy) Abuse doesn't just affect the person who was taken advantage of, it affects everyone involved now and in the future. So it affects you H now. (H= hubby) I went threw sexaul abuse adn rape. It took me 20 years t tell my H and only then did I get the help I needed. But it was most helpful that my H came with me and we talked about a lot of this stuff really openly. He has had individual sessions with the T and I did to. My H really needed to have some of the things explained to him about why I do what I do and what to avoid. There were also issues my H was better at discussing with the T then me.

There are some great books out there "When the woman you love has been sexually abused" and "Haunted Marriages". These both are geared more towards the men who have to deal with us ladies who have been abused.

I have dealt with my stuff and after being married to my husband for 20 years there are still some things that are off limits. I don't think it ever really goes away. Trust can allow some of these things to occur in a safe setting. But it sounds like what you have going on is not trusting your partner and feeling safe with him sexually. That can take some time sometimes.

My advice to you is for you both of you to get into joint T. Your sex life involves 2 people, you and your H, not just you. So the T should be for the two of you.