Quote:
Originally Posted by smilesandcries
i found out, by my abuser no less, i was raped for 12 years as a child. i knew i was molested but i only remember 3 incidents. of course he uses the term "in a relationship for 12 years". i too used to feel disgusted after sex. i used to feel like a dirty piece of **** and that is what i deserved to feel like. and all kinds of negative emotions tied to sex. hey, some people need to know the truth to clear their mind. i was confused for years because of this abuse. i mean, years, possibly decades. i am barely getting a grip on who i am, i'm 27. because i didn't know what happened to me, it kept me ****ed up for a long time. i did drugs and all kinds of stupid **** because of it and put myself in horrible situations. so maybe for you, it is worth finding out. i know for me, it was. it helped me heal. idk.
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I'm glad that you were able to get closure. I wish I could have that sort of certainty, but I doubt the people I feel may have abused me would admit to it and I think if they did it would upturn many peoples lives, not just my own. I'm not much younger than you and have also tried to numb myself with drugs in the past. I think in many ways I am a lot happier now than I was in the past, but I have had a rough year, people I love have passed away, my ocd has deteriorated to the point where I've blinked and found it has insidiously robbed me of a life, people I love have moved away and left me and I suppose my all of my coping skills have gone out of the window and I'm just left with all of these horrible feelings from the past. Perhaps if I'd never entered therapy I would be none the wiser. last year I was so confident and happy and this year I'm just a broken mess, reliving the emotions from my past. Perhaps if I could get closure I could stop obsessing, who knows :/ Thank you for your reply.