Quote:
Originally Posted by Kori Anders
I wasn't sure if I should put this in the abuse forum or here, but I think the focus isn't so much the abuse itself, but my PTSD symptoms going on with it.
Last night I had a disturbing "dream", in this "dream" I was still in high school and I was waiting after school to be picked up by my mom, but she was running late. (I mean, so late that it was dark outside) My school was close to a lot of stores, so I told my teacher that I'd go to some of the stores and ask the strangers if I could catch a ride from them. My teacher offered to drive me home, himself. So I get in his car and instead of driving me home he drove me to an empty parking lot.
As if that wasn't already disturbing, from there he starts to threaten me and say if I don't have sex with him, he'll never take me home. So, in my "dream" I had sex with him and it was so graphic and it felt so real I felt stuck in my dream and when I woke up I felt even worse.
Now, I have never, EVER been in a car, alone with a teacher before, so I know that wasn't at all true. But could the memories of the "sex" be a part of a flashback that's manifesting itself in my dreams? This isn't the only dream I've had like this lately, it's been happening quite frequently. But, it just felt so real, the "sex" I mean.
I'm a little scared to go to sleep because I don't want to have anymore dreams like that. It took me YEARS to get to this point in life where I'm no longer afraid of sex, but this nightmare... I think it just made me take twenty steps back. I feel disgusting thinking about it, it makes me feel horrible about sex and it makes me feel horrible about everything.
I guess what I my question/point is...
What am I supposed to do? Was this just a silly old nightmare, or is it probably related to my PTSD? And what is one supposed to do about feeling sick to their stomach when thinking about sex? Lately, before all these "dreams" started, I was feeling pretty comfortable with sex, but now it's not comfortable anymore.
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Your title question...nightmare or flashback.... the difference between a nightmare and a flashback is a nightmare happens when you are asleep its a bad dream . a flashback is when someone is awake and something triggers them into reliving a memory as if that memory is happening right now....
example....(Im going to use a generic non abusive memory so as not to trigger anyone..)
one night I had a nightmare of my dog being hit by a car. I was asleep and had a very vivid dream about this event.
one day I was out for a walk and had a flashback.. I heard a dog barking which triggered the memory of a dog barking when I was a child. during the remembering of this I felt like I was that same child I was and that the dog from my childhood was in a car barking. even though I knew I wasnt a child anymore the memory felt real as if it was happening today not years ago in the past.
now for what you posted...you stated you were dreaming so this was a nightmare not a flashback, because flashbacks happen when you are awake nightmares happen when you are asleep.
what are you supposed to do about it... only you know what you want and must do about it..my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact your treatment providers or a treatment provider in your off computer location, they can help you work through why you are having this nightmare and help you figure out what you need to do in order for it to not bother you any more.
when I have nightmares I usually do something calming like write, paint or call my treatment provider.