My computer is totally screwed up, my husband had a completely irrational burst of anger yesterday and I haven't seen him or heard from him since, our youngest can't get him to answer his cell phone, my youngest's truck got repo'd by a totally unscrupulous dealer. He can't just let them have it without shelling out over $1k and then having to pay the difference between the price on his contract and whatever they re-sell the truck for. He won't listen to me and go see a lawyer for the initially free consult, his dad could lend him the money either for the truck that he can't afford or for the lawyer, but no one can reach him. Jerry always pulls this disappearing act when he feels pushed but this was way out of the norm for even him. He didn't have ANY reason for exploding like he did... except that maybe he's been drinking too much lately AND taking Celexa. I know you're not supposed to drink while on an anti-depressant, but I don't know what the consequences are. Yesterday morning, he had his very first migraine, aura and all.

I'm down to one pack of cigarettes and I can't get more on my own. No transportation. I have a couple of neighbors I could ask to drive me, but I HATE ASKING!!!

A**H*** (husband) says he's leaving for an extended trip to Canada but hasn't done any of the things I need him to do before he goes just so I can move around here at home and at least drive one of the two scooters I have to the nearby StopAndRob! Can't even listen to music without getting all teary eyed! I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but I can't or won't stop. Just checked my balance in my checking account and my oldest son hasn't made the $500 deposit he should have made on FRIDAY!!! And he's my conservateur???????? Hell! I can manage my money better than THAT!! And he's been bugging me to buy extended care insurance and take care of the arrangements for my eventual demise. How the hell am I supposed to do that if he doesn't turn lose of the money!! It ain't fun planning your own damned funeral and memorial service, especially when the cheapest way out is cremation and I can't stand the thought of it! My "dearest,"... NOT, half-brother saw one of our aunts cremated and gave me explicit details! Thanks one whole hell of a lot, Bill!!!

Now I have to call my eldest son and tell him to get on the stick but he intimidates me, probably because he's so much like me. I'd like to call him every name in the book but I don't dare. I'd like to smack his *** like I used to when he pulled his rebel act on me as a kid, but he's too old for that and I can't reach him... and did I mention... HE INDIMIDATES ME!!

Hell!! If I'm going anywhere to get me some cigs, I have to take a shower and wash my screwed up hair!! Do I leave it frizzy or do I take time to iron some of the straw out of it?? Too much work!! My arms and back kill just from blow drying it!! Idiot hair dresser!!! Wish I could remove my head and do my OWN hair!! Hell!! I could get $200 for a hair cut just like Danny Yamaguchi is getting for doing the ex coach of the Lakers!! Fen shui??? Yea right! And I KNOW Danny! You think he'd cut me a break?? HELL NO!!

Thanks for reading my rant... (pant, pant!) It's time to go either drown my problems in the shower or go hide under my blankie!!

!@#$%^&*()_ _) _()*&^%$#@!!!~ ~!@#$%^&*() _ _)(*&^%$#@!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
<div class="foot">(Edited by SeptemberMorn on 08/23/04 05:38 PM.)</div>