I totally get the knee jerk reaction to say, "Sure, go ahead and give the other client the appointment time", and then feeling despondent and rejected when I hang up the phone. I have responded the same way, and I have felt sadness that my therapist didn't know that would be my reaction and anger that she even put me in that position of having to make that decision. I would be mad that she didn't KNOW that I wouldn't be able to say, "No! That's the time you gave me and I want it." . . . even though I desperately wanted to have the time.

Is it possible that when your therapist offered the gift of a free session, you felt too needy and selfish for even thinking about accepting it? Did you want to wait and consider the appointment and then say, "Yes, I'll take it." after time passed because then you wouldn't be seen as too needy? Or did you possibly want her to encourage you more to accept the gift, thus demonstrating how much she wanted you to be there in session with her that week you planned to miss? And then, it really really stung when she didn't even hold it for you.

I get the pain this kind of thing creates. But in reality, I think your therapist was very kind to offer the gift. Unfortunately, she might have had a client in the office who was in a bad way and she wanted to make sure she could see the client twice next week. BUT she didn't just give the time away, she remembered your need and she checked with you first. She obviously wanted to allow you the opportunity to stake your claim on that time period. I think you regret not asserting your need and taking the time. I get why you did what you did, and now you're hurt and a bit angry at your therapist not just holding the slot. It's something valuable for you and she to discuss and process in your next session. Sometimes the choices that we make that hurt us over and over again (for you the feeling that your needs aren't important and you're being selfish if you assert your needs) are the best topics to process in our sessions. If our therapist's always accommodate for our needs through out therapy, then we never move past our stuck spots. This was your opportunity to step out and assert yourself. You stumbled and now you feel hurt, but you'll have other opportunities and at some point, you will find the strength to move pass "old scripts" and state your needs clearly and without guilt. This entire incident is something old and something rich in therapeutic value to you... even though it hurts right now. Use it in your next session!