Quote:
Originally Posted by tangled99
My knowledge of psychology is limited and there is no way he would confide in a therapist, I am the only person in the world who knows. And tbh I don't get the impression he really wants to stop having sex with her because the sensation and attraction is so intense. He did stop for a while in the beginning of our relationship but it has since then started again. He also says that his biggest desire is for me to watch her suck him off and that most of the time when she is pleasuring him he is looking at photos of me. And while I guess I could watch it I feel it is wrong of me to encourage this unhealthy relationship.
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There's your answer. This person knows what they are doing is unhealthy and will not do a single thing about it - in fact they're now asking you to become involved.
Get out of this situation now. This man can only be helped and supported so much, the fact that he feels next to no remorse suggests that he isn't ready to accept he needs help.
How can you so easily let 10 years of deception go? This is not something more recent, he has lied to you for a decade and is becoming increasingly unrealistic in his demands. Who asks their partner to engage in a sex act they're sharing with their mother? Why do you think you don't deserve more?
I'm not so forward in my responses normally but i really feel for you - this situation is simply not right. A man in his 40's should know better and for him to put you through this with zero commitment to changing is just dreadful.
The sad thing is that you absolutely can't get him to change - he has to want it for himself and himself alone. Not to please you, not to save the relationship, but to get better for his own sake. If you really must try and somehow work this out, ask him this question directly and if his response is in line with his current behaviour, don't waste any time.