Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion
Well when I am on the verge of acting on suicidal thoughts to me that is a good indication I should maybe consider going to the ER. It also comes with a weird impulsive energy where I worry first thing I think of I am going to try to do.
But when its not quite to that point then I feel I can manage it even if I am thinking about suicide...but am not in danger of doing something stupid in that very moment.
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I would never go to the ER (i work there) and yet, earlier in the week I actually considered that I didn't care anymore. But its not that i'm comfortable with it as much as I have a need (That i've told T) to self sabotage. I know i'm not in danger at this moment because even if I have the impulse, I have enough strength to stop it. But I guess i'm not sure how much longer i'm willing to fight it. I feel like i'm playing games with myself, god and T and just need to figure it out.