One of the things that's most difficult for me right now isn't the thought of "what if this is permanent" but rather, "if I get through this does it really matter, because this WILL come back at some point and I can't go through this again" - and that thought is unbearable. But I am trying very hard to retrain my thinking and just get through NOW. This day, this hour, this minute. In fact, a lot of times I qualify my depression, since it is worse some times than others, but whether I'm fighting to get through the next minute, hour, or day. (I can't even think about getting through a week yet. I hope that will come.) Just thinking about THIS ONE MINUTE and nothing from the past and definitely nothing in the future, and just breathing in and out, sort of like a shallow meditative kind of thing, has gotten me through some very, very desperate times. It's so difficult to NOT think about anything other than THIS MOMENT, and maybe that way of thinking isn't something that will click with you. It's helped me, so I thought I'd pass it along and also let you know that I also understand what you are feeling and I care about you.