Have you changed your treatment team at all since 2009? It may be worth it to that. I find my team took me more serious when I wrote things down because it was easier to "hear" what I was saying and the destress that I was actually in. I know you live in an assistant living facility but can you go into a partial hospitalization program to overhaul your meds, and your medical team? You may meet some people in the partial hospitalization program. It's hard to keep friends when your bipolar because you become a seasonal friend because of the depression.

I live completely off the system too and it sucks. It feels ****** but honestly trying to be as productive as we can, even if that's just being nice when we are able, is enough. I've made friend's here and feel like I'm part of this community, helping here is contributing to a better world. You aren't a drain on society as long as your as nice as you can be.