I am so sorry. I lost my mom 6 months ago and I still break down very often. My dad has been ok during the summer being outside with friends and neighbors, but he is terrified of being alone inside this coming winter. He was her caretaker while she was sick and I don't know how he handles being in that big house without her.

As for me I still think to myself "Oh, she's just at home and I can call her later" but then reality hits and I freak out. I take ALOT of Xanax and have to force myself not to think about her at work or out in public.

One thing that somewhat helped, which I found very odd, was handling her cremated ashes. I was about to explode from tension in the few days before I got them, worried that I would break down. But I found them strangely calming and I actually enjoyed touching them. I recently went to Las Vegas on a much needed vacation and spread her ashes everywhere. Vegas was her favorite place and my family thought it was a great idea. It made me feel really good, like she was enjoying the vacation with me.

I wish I had more advice but I don't. The situation sucks and it will never be okay.

I hope you find lots of peace and happiness!!