I got done with group about an hour ago. I'm a little bit frustrated with the fact that I keep lying to those around me, including my T and group. The group that I'm in, I keep most emotions in and not dealing with them because of what my T said. I'm apparently the strong one in the group and they look up to me because of how I seem to be. Today it's really getting to me, and distracting me. Can't study because the thoughts from today are so strong. I have to seem so strong because that's how he sees me in the group.

Today, felt like I was lying to the group about what I was studying and a few things I said. The other facilitator of the group brought up tapping, and I've seen things that make me think that it is a quack therapy that doesn't work. (science never lies right?) and then I think about what I said for check in, and the things that I thought during a visualization. I said that I was calm physically, spiritually with one foot in and one out, and mentally I was stressed, and anxious. Triggers were moderate-high and one slip. Which is good, but honestly I didn't go into detail, and lying to myself. I spent the previous day looking at a very triggering topic and said that I was fine. Am I really lying??? I still don't know. I have a lot to do, so stressed makes sense, but talking about anger didn't help. I visualized how I felt toward my T, which I was hurt and angry because of a few things that have been said.

1) I am the strong on in the group
2) I have to let things go, because I'm perfect the way that I am. Even if I feel like I'm striving for perfection which is weird.
3) That I am not allowing him to help as much as I could (which I don't know if that one is .... okay I'm not talking about all)
4) I'm a hypocrite because I am not calling if there's a crisis. (Because I see it as a sign of weakness) yet others say it's a sign of strength.

I don't want to talk about the above 4 because it's just to painful. but obviously it's not making things any easier. I don't know what else to do, I'm not wanting to show the fact that I am struggling, because I don't want to see it myself. Do I talk about this now or later with him? or not at all. (I vote for not at all, but some how I know that I have to confront him about it and I really hate confrontations.