well... I don't know if anybody is still reading this but anyway...

just back home from that party. sober.
I must say for myself I don't mind being completely sober. it was sort of an interesting experience to be the only one in a room who could talk normally. I did have some conversations though and some of them weren't too bad.

the thing is I got very tired at a point at which everybody else got very euphoric.
so there is a problem. I cannot keep my mood that high up so I still can laugh at the same jokes as the crowd.

also I got asked a lot if I wasn't drinking which annoyed me. I brought something I could drink that looked exactly like what everybody was having but they could still tell. when my bottle was empty I had nothing to refill and I got very awkward having no glass in my hand. everyone started dancing and I decided to leave. I felt really excluded and lonely.
the uncomfortable part is that here I have to face all my social awkwardness unfiltered. in return that might be very helpful for therapy.

it's really though. not the not drinking part. but the being with peers sober when they are not -part.

so now I feel lonely and excluded. and I am home. I even talked to a man I thought was attractive. but only for very short time and he spoke to other women much longer. I didn't have the courage to start another conversation. would it be normal to do that?