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I have an older brother who gave me alot of hardship in my life. When I was really young in elementary school, I had a lot of friends, was outgoing, and had a good life. However, my brother was the opposite in that he didn't have many friends. I think he grew alot of resentment towards me and looked for ways to put me down and bully me. We fought alot and eventually I started developing low self-esteem. Things got really bad in high school, when we were in the same marching band together. He would constantly be condescending towards me, yelling at me if I did something he didn't like, saying I couldn't get along with anyone, I was unlikeable and worthless, etc. He always got really angry at me/yelled at me whenever I made an attempt to be outgoing/sociable by saying I was being bothersome towards others and no one wanted to talk to me. He also knew I didn't have many friends, so he would indirectly try to insult me by saying stuff like loners are losers/wimpy/weak and making jokes about how shy/quiet people are worthless/wimpy/weak. When I was getting bullied by my classmates and teachers, and I tried to tell the school about it, he would say I was being a tattle-tell and was too wimpy/weak to stand up for myself. He never was never even remotely supportive. He was friends with some of those bullies and when I mentioned I didn't like them, he would yell at me, saying it was my fault for not being able to get along with them
He didn't get any better after college. When our father passed away, he screamed at me saying I was the reason he died, that I deserved to be bullied/ostracized in school because I was worthless, etc. He also knew that because I had difficulty making friends, I befriended Mexican and Chinese immigrants. He also constantly said incredibly mean, racist things about Mexicans and Chinese, saying they are human waste, take away jobs from Americans, sound retarded/backwards when they speak, smell bad, etc. He knew that offended me because I got along with them. He would also indirectly insult the way I dressed, by saying "people who dress like that look so gay"
I grew up with really low self-esteem. I thought it was normal to get yelled at/screamed at. I was very shy/quiet because I thought I was bothersome to people. Since people are less likely to befriend shy/quiet people, I had a very hard time making friends. I've only recently become more assertive/outgoing, but it's been a very hard battle, due to years of thinking that it was 'normal' to put up with yelling/screaming, insults about being weak/wimpy/unable to stand up to abusive classmates/teachers
The reason why I bring this up is because I had a recent bullying situation occur. I am teaching a class since I'm in grad school and some students attempted to yell/bully at me to get points back that I took off their assignment. I discussed the problem with the professor and head TA, and they said that absolutely should not be tolerated. I was actually hesitant to talk to them about it, since I was raised to think that if people tried to bully me, it was MY fault and yelling is something I'm just supposed to put up with. It led to extreme rage on my part as to how much better my life could've been if I had learned at an earlier age to not put up with others trying to bully me
Was my brother abusive? While we did get into fights and he tried to hit/punch me a few times, he never actually punched me. I know alot of the crap already occurred years ago, so it's probably too late to take any action. But is there any action I can take towards him now, other than refuse to speak to him? I called him out about his past behavior, and he just offered a blunt 'sorry', showing little sympathy for the crap I put up from him
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