I'm kind of in the same situation right now. The thoughts are very intense, I am very frightened by them. I have a method, two actually. I have considered the details carefully and for the first method I would need to make some calibrations to be sure of what I'm doing. The second method is drawing me in deeper and deeper, I pass the place two or three times a day and I find myself looking, choosing a spot and so on. I've realised that I've stopped thinking about how my actions would hurt the people I love and the only thought holding me back is "Am I ready for the finality?"

I told my GP almost all of this on Monday, I'm never 100% open, but I told him as much as I could. My GP asked how many more actions would I need to make before completing the act. With what I have in mind there would be two essential actions. So that is two chances to stop and get immediate help. I stopped (and didn't get immediate help) before then, so I know I can stop and I know the right thing to do if I take another step. The other question that my GP asked was do I value the accountability of telling him. That was thought provoking and helped me see, that I'm not playing games, the thoughts are real, the risk is real, I have a strong desire to stay safe. As far as he is concerned if my telling him what's going on helps me, then he wants to know, even if he is a busy man with a waiting room full of needy people, he will find the time.

Remember, thoughts don't have to become methods. Methods don't have to become plans. Plans can be changed and don't have to become actions. Actions can be broken down into stages and at each stage you can ask for help. Staying safe is hard and very frightening, a constant battle but one that can be won.