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pinksoil said:
as soon as i left the room, i looked at the clock-- he had let me stay for an hour and five minutes.

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ding, ding, ding, Frame violation, frame violation! I love it when my T lets me stay late.

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i was all over the place in session yesterday.

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Well, for being all over the place, pinksoil, you sure talked about a lot of important stuff. I think you did good work! Maybe it's not essential to be 100% focused in order to have a good session. At my last session, I was all over the map, which is unusual for me. My T accepted it, and told me it was OK, and I think he even enjoyed it a bit, since I am usually not like that. If I was like that every session, maybe he would long for the more "focused" sunrise. Maybe your T just thinks your therapy sessions would be even more productive with a little bit more focus from you. It is something you can strive for, meds or no meds.

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if you allow yourself to stabilize, you will be able to focus.... and perhaps you will emerge even more unique than you are now

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That truly is a fab thing he said to you, pinksoil. (((hugs))) In my time in therapy, I don't think anything we are doing is actually changing the core of who I am. Rather, it is uncovering who I am. I am not losing my uniqueness or what makes me sunny by becoming more functional and understanding my feelings and from whence they come. I have processed some traumatic memories from the past, but this trauma never really defined "me," so it has not hurt me to let it go.

I think your boundaries discussion is right on. I think you need to learn to be in the gray, and your T knows this and won't give you too many boundaries. It's can be a learning experience for you. Are you up to it?

ECHOES, I never wear a watch in my sessions and I don't look at the clock that T has, which faces away from me. It is up to the therapist to manage the frame, so I leave it completely up to T to worry about when session ends. If he wants to go over, then so be it. He knows best when to end and he is supposed to know how to start bringing the session to closure ahead of time so as to not be too abrupt. I never know when session is due to be over until he ends it. And my T is usually quite graceful about it. I think it's just one of the skills T's develop.

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I'm terrified that I am going to stabilize and he's going to terminate me.

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((((pinksoil)))) I think he reassured you on this last time. Maybe seek additional reassurance at your next session so you can truly believe it when he says it. Maybe he can write it on an index card and you can hang it up at work or carry it in your wallet or something: "You are not going to be terminated if you stabilize."