o this is something I am really interested in!
usually people don't seem to like it that much to talk about complicated things. I trained myself a little to break down difficult ideas into funny witty comments that can be ignored if the person listening isn't into it.

I think I am good at this and I enjoy it but nobody else I meet ever does.
or rather not with me. :-(

some people are into complicated literature most of which I haven't read and they are never able to sum up for me. so there the conversation ends.

it makes me feel specifically excluded and lonely if that happens because I am really really interested.

… i think I am being too nice.
yesterday I was I guess too nice and too interested in the man I found attractive when I talked to him. I asked about his work and I really loved what he was doing. so I was basically listening to that and explained a little what I found interesting and why.
he really seemed to like talking about himself so I didn't start a monologue about myself in return but got into what he was saying.
I thought about talking about my work too, which is very similar. but he didn't seem patient to listen. then somebody else came and started talking to him and I was out of that conversation.

usually when that happens and the person I was talking to is slightly turning their back towards me I take it as a sign I should go.
I don't really think I get that wrong.

all of this makes me really desperate and depressed. because I think I am not misinterpreting anything. I am not. they just don't want me around. and if I am drunk I can ignore that.