Tangled, sometimes conversations get lost in the weeds around here. That's totally normal as people express their differing opinions. I've made my opinion clear. Run for your life. If you disagree because you love the guy deeply, then I may not have anything else to say that wouldn't be redundant.

But I would like to address the issue of family therapy before I go.

I happen to be a fan of various types of family systems therapy. But, as afar as I can see, Tangled, you're not in a family here. You don't know the mother. You have no relationship with her. BF is not a life partner or husband. This doesn't look like a family to me. So the most important question is: Does it look and feel like a family to you?

In my opinion, participating in family therapy with the mother would only enmesh your further in the poor woman's serious disturbances and behavior problems.

I personally would not consider having family therapy with my BF's mistress just because they were related biologically. And I wouldn't make her abandonment issues my problem or want to make her a part of my family. Their relationship is sexual. I wouldn't want to have therapy with my short-term BF's long-term mistress under any circumstances.

If my BF was gazing at my photo while he was getting sucked off by his mistress and if he asked me to watch it happen in order to increase his pleasure, my first thought would not be about his mistresses abandonment issues.

In a different situation, where a family actually existed, family therapy would make sense.

Those family relationships do not exist here, as far as I can see. The bio mother is not the person who raised him, changed his diapers and rocked him to sleep. She's basically his mistress or his favorite *****.

Tangled, do you feel as if your BF's mom/mistress is part of your family? If you don't, I strongly suggest you don't bring her into your own circle of close family and friends. You have no responsibility to her. None.

Take Care.