Hello. I hadn't posted in a long time. I'm not better and don't know what to do. The divorce was granted last August 19th... I didn't react immediately after it but the day after was devastated, spend all day in bed crying my eyes out. I'm alone and feeling very, very lonely. The issues remaining are definitive alimony and I'm not a bit confident that the ruling is going to be favorable to me: the adjustment for the temporary alimony was valid beginning September, which means that during July and August I affronted all the moving and relocating costs related to it with only $500 a month. Does this seem fair to you? Of course, I'm already in debt, without health insurance, cannot afford therapy... I'm in total despair, asking for help and advice here and there to no avail. I wake up crying, I already used all my strength asking my ex- for a little help. I know, very stupid of me... but it's very, very difficult for me to move forward: I yet experience some brief moments when I think/ feel he is coming into the house or sleeping along me... I cannot yet understand why everything happened the way it happened. Since I was forced to move out the marital residence because the house sold in less than two months, I moved to another city because my oldest daughter asked me to do so... and here I am, feeling completely and utterly alone and almost destitute. How can I confront to have been part of a couple that was already in the six figures bracket to me be living now on $1500 a month, with very poor job prospects? I'm consumed by anxiety everyday: I cannot go out with out feeling an outcast, feeling totally left out? He is a department chair, for christs' sake, and I was working for and with him! My working there was part of my relationship and now, here I am, alone, without a job, living with a very tight budget, in a rental unit in a mostly run down part of the city, with credit card debt... Do I need to say more? I don't think so... I took me a lot of courage to go out and cross a bridge: I was -and yet am- very afraid because I want to disappear but at the same time I don't want to give my ex- satisfaction, getting rid of me so easily and letting him to have a relationship with everybody -specially the children whom I love very much- like nothing happened, like I was a speck in his life that he suddenly felt the urge to get rid of it...
Can anyone comment or give advice please?