Hi,

It seems like there are so many hard things here. It is so upset.

About fifteen years ago, I saw a counselor for about few years. He ended the relationship really suddenly. I came to his office for a session and he told me that he was stopping with that session. It wasn't even a complete session - we only met for about five minutes and he stopped. He said all sorts of horrible things and told me I was a bad person and just like his wife (I am not - I think the only thing we have in common is that we are both female). I later found out he was about to get a divorce and maybe that was the problem, I don't know. But I didn't think he should have done that, and it really upset me deeply. He even charged me for the session (!) and then sort of chucked me out of the office. No referrals, nothing. It was a mess from my perspective. I was so upset. I didn't understand it. I took about ten years before I was willing to try counseling again. It seemed pretty unethical to me, but in retrospect, a lot of things he did were.

I hadn't had any contact with him all this time. I did try to contact him one time. A few months after he quit, my father died. I tried to contact him because I was upset the day my father died, and really confused. I guess I was stupid to try to contact him - what was I thinking? Anyway, he didn't respond. But that was all, and that was the end of that.

Anyway, right now I am housesitting for friends, and yesterday there was this phone call for the people who own the home. It was this former counselor from fifteen years ago. Somehow he must know the people who live here. He did not recognize me and I didn't say who I was. It completely unnerved me. And got me riled up. And he was acting like a jerk on the phone to me. GRRRRRRRRRRR. It just got me all incredibly upset and I don't have all the words for it, and nobody to talk to about it here.

Things are such a bad mess here, and I didn't need something else to go wrong. I didn't need to hear his voice, or have a conversation with him, even taking a message for somebody else. I didn't need that to happen. It's like it landed in my lap, and here it is.

And the other T, I talked to him Friday. It is all so hard. I guess I am going to see him again on Tuesday, but I don't even know why, or what the point is. We both agree terminating is the right idea, and in a way, I thought we'd already terminated last week. But things are really bad here and I don't have any alternate ideas right now. I think probably seeing him on Tuesday will just make things worse. He asked if I should go back in the hospital when we talked on the phone. Part of me thought yes, but I know I can't pay for it, and there is nothing they can do to help in the hospital either. I hate this. I don't know anything I can do to make things better now.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

sorry

really upset
and i did not need to hear the old counselor on the phone
and I'm frustrated
and I am sick of all of this
and I am really tired
thank you for listening

take care
ErinBear