I can understand this. It isn't my mother that is the problem but is my mother-in-law. She too is toxic and very passive aggressive and feels the need to speak her mind and i don't do anything to defend myself. I tend to just avoid rather than nip it in the bud. After months of abuse from my mother-in-law, through social media (the cowards way out), my husband finally wrote her a letter to stay away unless she could treat me with respect. We have not been in touch with her since. She still tries to wiggle her blackness in through our kids and i am struggling with what to do about that.

So, to get back to your post, just know you are not alone and it sounds like you are being loving to your mom and respectful to her by not fighting back with hurtful words and things you can't take back. Maybe setting up boundaries for how you will allow her to treat you will be necessary instead of just telling her that you don't feel well so you won't be seeing her. It is possible to tell the truth in love and still protect yourself in the process.