I've told my sister that my daughter was out of line and I discussed it with my daughter.
I have asked her to go to counseling and she says NO, she believes she acted appropriately.
I don’t know if this is the real reason or not because she won’t say. She only says my daughter is the problem and it’s my fault because I didn’t teach my daughter better. But a couple years before all this started her husband and friend threw her a surprise b-day party and only my mom and dad went from the family. She had a couple friends show up. But my brother, older sister and I did not go. My brother’s wife was really sick, my older sister said she didn’t get an invite, she thought it was only for her friends anyway, my husband’s sister committed suicide that morning and I stayed home to be available if he should call (he left to be with his family out of town that morning). However, my brother and older sister told me that they didn’t feel comfortable going to a party for only her. We had always celebrated our b-day together (we are twins) and we had already had a family dinner. I admit I felt I was damned if I went or damned if I didn’t, because if one person would have said happy birthday to me, would she have gotten mad?, This was HER party. I felt it was best I stay away, plus my husband was going through something pretty significant and I wanted to be available for him. I look back now and wish I would have taken the chance and gone. But I didn’t and there’s no changing that now.
She was hurt and mad that we didn’t come, she let us all know that. We all apologized . At one point, she emailed the whole family and told us to go rot in hell. My mom had a few choice words for her and then apologized to her because she can’t stand for her kids to be mad at her. I feel the family just encourages her behavior when they let her act and say such hateful things without telling her it’s not appropriate and to stop. After-all, she is suppose to be an adult.
If this all really stems from the b-day party, what do I do? Since I don’t know for sure (and I have asked), what do I do? Even her latest round of emails only talks about how bad of a mother I am because I didn’t teach my daughter better. I feel she is willing to do anything to hurt me, even hurt my daughter to hurt me. I’ve asked her to go to counseling to talk about everything that’s bothering her but she refuses. Her behavior just gets more out of control and more hateful as time goes by.
The only thing I feel I can do is remove myself from her life until she decides she wants to talk about things. I don’t believe its right for her to treat me and my daughter the way she has regardless of the reason. Am I wrong? Please be honest. Any suggestions would be appreciated. How do I move on? Am I not being objective, not seeing things clearly, is there another path I should be taking?
I’ll stop now because I feel like I’m rambling and not making much sense of things.