I won't lie, OP, I was pretty shocked (gaped mouth in surprise kinda shock xD) to read this post, ... but, sod it, I do get it, and what you later said about your dad certainly makes sense. I think part of me is always looking for a fight.. I mean, FFS, you know what I do lately? I go out when it's dark and walk, alone, at night, (even places out of town, where there are no lights.) with my weighted rucksack for an hour or more, and then I call it "exercise".. maybe part of me wants to be jumped so I can release some of this anger I've had since I was a kid. (touch wood xD)

I've always wanted to take up martial arts. I'm considering looking into kickboxing, but this damn social anxiety makes that so much more scary than needs be. I'm getting more and more into shape, bigger and stronger, so maybe one day it'll be something I can do with SOME level of confidence. Who knows.

Sounds like you're doing pretty "manly" things as it is, dude, so ignore that crazy little voice of manhood. 8) Your dad was clueless.