Over the past two years my mother-in-law has become increasingly hostile toward me. I have been married to her son for 23 years now. She and I have never had a close relationship . Frankly, she has always scared me. She is one of those people who isn't warm and friendly. She wears her emotions on her sleeve. She has never acted like she wanted to reach out to me or to have a good relationship. In fact, she has made passive comments before about how she has" never been close to any of her 6 children's spouses and is ok with it". She says she only loves her grandkids and kids. She is a distant mother and grandma and always has been. She does tend to pick and choose the in-laws she likes and will make them her favorite unless they do or say something to cross her. She is very conditional in her love. For the past 2 years I have been in her cross-hairs. I evidently hurt her, unknowingly, over and over as my husband evidently has too. Everything she has been "hurt" over has actually either never taken place or is blown way out of context as witnesses can attest to. Anyway, i have been so nice to her since I have known her, mostly out of my fear of her. She is one of those fighters that thrives on contention and discord. She always has hurtful words to say and seems to be able to actually make others look bad and make her look like the victim. After 2 years of her passive aggressive attempts at trying to dig at me, my husband finally came to my defense because I wasn't defending myself. I just let her continue bashing me over social media and continued to let her verbally attack me in emails and thru fb. I have since deleted both accounts. My husband wrote her a letter stating that she is toxic and unhealthy for his family ( the kids snd me). Well, she wrote back a scathing letter with half-hearted apologies. It was weird. She would apologize but then basically say that I made her react the wsy she did so she had the right to be cruel. I have tried writing her a nice letter since, but she bashed it BAD over social media and it was embarrassing for me. We haven't spoken to her in months and months. It has been nice, but i am living with angry feelings. I hate her and I feel i never got the chance to redeem myself or defend myself in any way. I'm having a tough time forgiving her. Im angry at myself for allowing it for so long and I don't want to allow her hurt any more!! I know if i talk to her or write her it will open up the nasty can again and it will be fuel to her fire...ehich is what she wants. My husband says silence is the best way to deal with his mom. She continues to send loving cards to our teen kids AND even my husband for bdsys and Christmas, but will completely ignore me. It hurts so bad and makes me feel sick, physically. She was told to stay away, and the only reason she is doing it is to jab at me. I can't let her know it hurts or she will be gleeful about it. This is how I have sern her work with others in her past.

How do I deal with this? It is agonizing mental and emotional pain daily. I'm sure she has no idea how much I let her get to me. She will do what it takes to make sure she hurts me. She always has to have a pin cushion. I have just never been the one until now. It is killing me and is actually affecting other healthy relationships in my life. What can i do to get over it? I dont desire a relationship with her, especially now.