Thats the hardest part, feeling that no one understands or cares what your going through,how you are feeling and struggling to get right effective help and support. But how can people know whats going on in your own head, they simply cant. They can pick up signals in your body language, tone of voice, speech, behaviour that something isnt right. But dont feel how you feel, what its like internally. Only you know how bad things are for you, not others. Trying to communicate freely, openly to others how things are is difficult as well.

My old T used to ask me every session how suicidal I was on a scale of 1-10. I usually run from a 6.5-8.5 though I have hit a 10 before at my lowest (not too long ago). There is no set-in-stone indicator by which I gauge this, but how I usually assess is based on whether I have a plan and whether I feel compelled to carry it out. The latter part is key because I always have many plans running through my head (I mentally device a possible suicide scenario from every item/place I see) but at about 9 I'll have settled on a singular one and begin to need to do it. This is when the rational/self-preserving/sane voice gets drowned out by the chorus of bloodthirsty ones.