That's a lot. Very hard choices. Staying there to protect your kids is important.

Do you think she would be more stable if you weren't there or less? I've known people who seemed helpless in a marriage suddenly surprise everyone when they were on their own and had no choice but to sink or swim.

I wish there was some way that she would be willing to meet you half way. If the only wrong was porn and you have stopped doing it, it's certainly time to stop hating yourself.

Does she realize that if she doesn't forgive you and get over this, she could wind up ruining this marriage? That she is wronging you with her inability to deal with her feelings and ultimately choose to forgive you or kick you out? It's not realistic that you should pay for the rest of your life for this.

I'm sorry, it sounds like a very difficult situation with no easy solutions.