I'm in the midst of a bad depression. Also a bit agitated on top, so I'm erratic and shaky as well. I need ... something. Doc is working on the meds, but in the meantime, my friends and family are avoiding me like the plague. At least I think they are. I'm feeling paranoid.

Wanted to check it all in, but am hanging on. I love life. There is another side, I'm pretty sure. I just can't remember it. I know I need to be in the hospital, but there are all these "shoulds" that keep getting in the way. The shoulds may do me in.

I am so lonely. I live for PC, and that is pretty sad. Lurking here is not a life. Why did I alienate every last person in my world? Am I the only BP person to do this?