Quote:
Originally Posted by flours
wow. I actually see very differentiated range of emotions and thoughts in what you write. so I can't quite confirm your assumption that you are only capable of the two most basic emotions.
also I can recognize a typical depressive line of argument here. it is perfidious with intelligent people because there is always a way to justify in very logical ideas why you are inferior or guilty or whatever feelings you have about yourself. but they come from a depressive mood and have nothing to do with objective reality.
I remember having this monster idea before (that should be gone/ kept from others for the sake of humanity…)
-it's not true. maybe you will agree that all human beings deserve the same chance to be happy.
also I have kind of a private opinion about these personality tests. do you know how these tests are being made? -I wouldn't let myself get labelled by something so stupid, imho.
usually I would listen to mh professionals. but I really resent and reject these tests and even more the ideas they take as a basis!
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Thanks so much for what you are saying
. I know that others want me to think better of myself, and it seems I am structuring a rather logical if...then kind of argument, but I have looked at it from all angles, and can't figure out what to do. I ask myself what IS my happiness, what makes me happy, nothing does. I have such shallow feelings, the only "happiness" I feel is pleasure - that is when I eat rubbish junk food and am aroused by a girl/during sex. That's it.
It is important to note my seemingly differentiated emotional range is false - it is learned. I have learned the "language" of humans so well, I appear pretty versatile and conversant myself.
You say all humans deserve a chance to be happy. What differentiates us from animals is sufficient EQ to express and understand emotion properly. Animals can't do that. I frankly do not believe anymore that I am even human. I know that sounds weird, but that's how it seems to me now. I was depressed because my apparent handle on human emotion that I had portrayed for so long no longer worked when it finally mattered (when it came to things like real love which is from the heart and is pure - you can't fake that). I convinced myself I was feeling all these emotions because I heard humans calling them by name, and I felt stuff in myself and then I identified it by association and observations of what other people do when they are "happy" or "in love". Who says real normal love and what I thought was "love" that I felt is the same thing? Can I call my "strong attraction/affinity, caring and pleasure-when-in-their-presence for someone" feeling love too, like you or someone else does? It might not even be the same.
I was trying to analyze my "feelings". Maybe all my good feelings that I called love, pleasure, happiness, etc. is one in the same, a more primitive good feeling or nice feeling.
What I am saying is because I am inherently emotionally stupid (EQ = 14/100
), I simply speak after other people, identifying (a) feeling(s) in me by the name they call it. It might be totally wrong.
When I really break it down, I genuinely only see two real "feelings" in me - that good or nice sensation when I eat/have sex/see a nice girl and that bad and violent sensation when I feel disrespected or angry. OK, I called it pleasure and aggression, but that is in all likelihood the wrong words, I don't know.