Think a lot of us can relate to your post. When in depression, I don't want to be around anyone. I try and force self out and move. Not easy! Sometimes I am out and still not out. If ya know what I mean. A few weeks ago was with friend and her kids at Hershey Park. Could not get out of head. Was in depression state and it sucked one way, but I did get out so it was good another. Lucky she knows about bp. As for your need to get help, we can come up with millions or excuses. None mean anything if we are dead. Need help, please get some. Don't count excuses count reasons for help. My thoughts.